The Antidote by Oliver Burkeman
“Failure is everywhere. It’s just that most of the time we would rather avoid confronting that fact”
3 Main Messages:
Sometimes searching for happiness can make it more elusive
We are not our thoughts
We cannot control the world or events, only how we respond to them
Would you like to be happier? How might this impact your leadership? It is no secret that leaders are the culture creators of their workplaces and so it would follow that happier leaders make happier environments which could in turn lead to more productive and effective teams. If our actions and words create ripples and set the team ‘weather’, then surely it is our duty to be the happiest versions of ourselves…?
Oliver Burkeman wants to know what ‘happiness’ means, if it is possible to fully achieve it and what an alternative approach might look like. He explores alternate schools of thought with an open mind, certain fearlessness and a wry sense of humour, taking the reader through seven different chapters, each meeting people with alternative perspectives. While he begins by suspecting that “happiness can only be glimpsed out of the corner of an eye,” he discovers ways to find “rigorous rational tranquillity” and a different destination when following the “negative path to happiness.”
The book opens with sceptical observations at a Get Motivated seminar and concludes that often the very search for happiness can make us miserable. We can become too goal driven and always looking for the next thing, failing to appreciate what we have here and now. He even suggests that “Goal-free living simply makes for happier humans,” which is certainly an approach that many would struggle with.
Burkeman takes us through conversations with philosophers to understand how different schools of thought have found a way to navigate life. One leads him to confront worst case scenarios and an exercise in shouting out on the London Underground. He suggests that pushing yourself out of your comfort zone will “help you grasp that the worst-case scenario is something with which you would be able to cope.” This will, in turn, reduce anxiety and fear, which are barriers to happiness.
By joining a silent retreat, Burkeman learns the art of metacognition and of being “simple, calmly present and non-judgmentally aware.” A Buddhist’s approach to life is to remain like the sky: a constant, regardless of passing storms or sunny intervals, neither clinging to nor trying to get rid of different weather conditions. After a week of silent rituals, thinking and meditation he concludes that this approach did help and he was more equipped to be able to “live with a little bad weather.”
In further chapters, he unpicks Eckhart Tolle’s thinking around the idea of self, and of linking our sense of identity to our self esteem. He explores the hidden benefits of insecurity, the dangers of being driven by measurable goals and the reasons why failures should be embraced and even celebrated. He also considers the negative correlation between material wealth and happiness.
Burkeman writes about the surprising happiness of the residents of Kibera, a slum in Nairobi which has become a “landmark of suffering” in part due to the diseases spread by flying toilets (You’ll have to read the book to find out what these are!). One resident there sagely points out that “Happiness is subjective. You can be happy in a slum, unhappy in a city. The things you need for happiness aren’t the things you think you need.”
So what are the things we really need? This understanding that striving for material wealth is misguided echoes findings about the longevity and happiness of those who practise Ikigai in Japan (Read my review here) where community, health and purpose are the most prized.
There is no magic formula found by the end of the book, more a meandering and consideration of lessons learned and an understanding that the journey to enlightenment is important in itself; that “maybe it makes more sense to say that the path is the destination.” As leaders we want our staff to be curious and to continue to yearn to learn. By reading a book like this we are certainly modelling that behaviour.
