Atlas of the Heart by Bréne Brown
“Evolutionary theory suggests we should embrace all of our emotions, as each has an important role to play under the right circumstances” - Joseph P Forgas
3 Main Messages:
It is crucial that we are able to aptly describe and understand our emotions.
Many positive emotions (like empathy) have near enemies (like pity).
We were made to make meaningful connections.
I love how children’s films have developed so that they are multi-layered and can provide as much entertainment for accompanying adults as for children. One such film is ‘Inside Out’ which I watched with my nephew many years ago and then proceeded to share in subsequent staff meetings and assemblies as the messages are so powerful!
I find it interesting however, that in the film there are only 4 emotions present: Joy, Sadness, Anger and Fear. Perhaps it is no coincidence that these are the basic emotions that children can verbalise. In both story writing and in explaining themselves, many children struggle to name any other emotions. Each of these 4 basic emotions, however, have multiple subsections which we surely should be teaching children to identify and understand.
Bréne Brown believes that we need to be able to understand ourselves and each other in order to build connectedness. In writing Atlas of the Heart, she has created an alternative dictionary of emotions, from Admiration, Anger and Awe through to Vulnerability, Wonder and Worry, defining each in turn so that we can recognise and name them in ourselves and in our family, friends and colleagues.
The emotions here are not alphabetical, but are grouped together in chapters to explore areas such as: ‘Where We Go When We’re Hurting’, ‘Where We Go When Things Are Uncertain Or Too Much’, and ‘Where We Go When The Heart Is Open.’ Each chapter tells stories, gives examples, explanations and exit strategies to use when confronted by these emotions.
In her chapter on ‘Places We Go With Others’, Brown explores the nuances of Compassion, Empathy and Sympathy. She writes that: “Compassion is a daily practice and empathy is a skill set that is one of the most powerful tools of compassion.” It is a shame then that so many of us who are well intentioned, can miss and get empathy so wrong. Brown shares the “empathy misses” as such as Sympathy, Comparing, Problem Solving and Minimising. She also explains why Pity is the near enemy of Empathy and shares Theresa Wiseman’s Attributes of Empathy, which are:
Perspective taking
Staying out of judgement and just listening
Recognising emotions and asking questions
Communicating and understanding of the emotion
Practising mindfulness
In the chapter on ‘Places We Go When We Fall Short’, Brown leans into her research and work on shame and explains the differences between closely associated feelings of negativity:
Shame - “I am bad - the focus is on self”
Guilt - “I did something bad - the focus is on behaviour”
Humiliation - “I’ve been belittled and put down by someone”
Embarrassment - “I did something that made me uncomfortable”
As she explores each of these further it becomes clear that, in many circumstances, there is a narrative we are telling ourselves which can be viewed another way. However, the stark difference is that all of these are responses to our own actions, apart from Humiliation. Humiliation is a response to how others treat us. Brown then quotes Kofi Annan, saying: “All the cruel and brutal things, even genocide, start with the humiliation of one individual.”
Which brings us to ‘Places We Go When We Feel Wronged’. Alarmingly, her work on Disgust, Dehumanisation and Schadenfreude are all too relevant. Even today, a glance at the vocabulary used in the popular press about immigrants, refugees and minority groups reveals an inherent distrust and dislike of those considered different and inferior. The words are deliberately used to incite hatred and excuse past, present and future atrocities. Language is powerful, and that is why we must use it correctly and carefully.
The information and statistics explored around Loneliness are depressing and worrying, with even public health officials starting to call “loneliness a significant health threat.” This is exemplified in the Cautionary Tales podcast episode about the impact of community versus loneliness on death rates in a Chicago heat wave*. Brown’s related section on Belonging then explains the importance of diversity, representation and authenticity. “True belonging,” she writes, “doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.”
There are also many positive emotions described and explored in the book. I found the chapter ‘Places We Go When Life Is Good’ particularly uplifting and heart-warming. Again Brown unpicks and explains the differences between Joy, Happiness, Calm, Contentment and Gratitude and details how we can recognise and encourage more of these moments in our lives.
It will come as no surprise to fans of Bréne Brown that this book is heartfelt, honest, raw and funny. Brown shares her own examples and lays herself bare in order to show the reader that we all feel almost all of these emotions and that there is a time and place for most of them. And in reading this book I recognised little bits of me in all of the chapters; parts of me that I am proud of, and parts I am reluctant to admit - even to myself.
Schools teach children about the parts of the body, their correct scientific names, their functions, their strengths and how to look after them. Isn’t it about time we started to use the correct terminology for our emotions too? This book is a wonderful place to start.
*Cautionary Tales episode: https://www.pushkin.fm/podcasts/cautionary-tales/chicago-when-it-sizzles
