Dare to Lead by Brené Brown
“If you choose courage, you will absolutely know failure, disappointment, setback, even heartbreak. That’s why we call it courage. That’s why it’s so rare.”
3 Main Messages:
We need to serve the people we lead with empathy
Learn how to be curious by asking “say more.”
Unclear is unkind
I have become a bit of a Ted Lasso evangelist. Prior to the show’s sweep at the 2021 Emmys, I had been charmed by the positivity, humour and powerfully kind leadership demonstrated in the show. Ted, as the main protagonist, is a humble, yet upbeat coach who believes in his team, loves each of them individually, and cultivates confidence and joy in everyone he meets.
I am not alone in my Lasso-adoration as I can see that my Linked-in feed is full of equal admiration, quotes and references. Most interestingly, Brené Brown is also a fan and there is significant synchronicity here in mindset and message.
While watching Ted, I have finally got round to reading Dare to Lead and the driving lines here are resoundingly clear and perfectly mirrored:
Be brave
Be honest
Be kind
Be curious
Be vulnerable
Be true to your values
Brown wrote the book and then the television series showed us what this looks like in practice.
Brown writes that being “unclear is unkind” and that we need to talk to people rather than about them. Leadership requires courage because hard conversations are required and leaders have to be honest. Leaders also have to be brave enough to be vulnerable and curious in order to really understand issues at hand in order to be able to address sticking points and move forwards.
We are encouraged to develop and practice empathy rather than sympathy and to respond, rather than react, to situations, people and criticism. It’s very easy to take criticism personally as a leader but if we don’t allow our teams to criticise us, then how will we ever learn, grow and improve?
There are many examples, anecdotes and exercises - all of which are useful, clear and purposeful. Brown encourages us to unpick our core values and then lean into them; to use them as our North Star and ensure that they underpin everything that we do.
An interesting point about being courageous is the need to teach resilience first in order to take risks and be prepared for failures and setbacks because, inevitably, they will be part of the journey.
Margie Warrell, a leading author and keynote speaker who writes about being brave, recently referenced a conversation she had with Richard Branson whose advice was to “Fail fast and fall forward”. It is unclear who came up with this mantra first (and it has now been adopted by a variety of motivational speakers and public figures) but Brown writes about us preparing ourselves for the path, rather than preparing the path for us. Certainly the consensus here is that leaders need to be prepared to fail and to quickly get over and grow from their mistakes.
Brown invites us to flex our leadership superpower of practicing calmness, to always assume positive intent and to “peel the onion” through practiced curiosity. In leading teams she references Anna Lamott’s book Bird by Bird, which is a technique and reference also picked up by our hero, Ted.
It is therefore no surprise that Brené Brown describes herself as “the self-appointed president of the TLFC (Ted Lasso Fan Club)” and when they met in 2020, they discussed how the show brings “joy, possibility and goodness”. Both the show and the book promote curiosity and empathy - which is no surprise, since Brown’s work was an influence in the writing room from the beginning.
Ultimately, what this book teaches us is to be brave enough to have tough conversations with whole hearts, or as Brené and (probably) Ted would say: “be awkward, brave and kind.”
