The Earned Life by Marshall Goldsmith
“We are living an earned life when the choices, risks, and effort we make in each moment align with an overarching purpose in our lives, regardless of the eventual outcome.”
3 Main Messages:
We choose our life daily in the small choices we make that add up
Life is about achievement, effort, conduct and attendance
Sometimes we are allowed to enjoy eating the marshmallow
I remember listening to a vicar speak, many years ago, about one of the saddest funerals he had led: A quiet man who had lived a long and healthy life who had held down a reliable job until the day he retired. When the vicar asked about his character and achievements, his family could list no stand out moments, no passions, interests or accomplishments. No legacy or stories. They struggled even to describe him. He was a man who had existed but not lived.
Is it possible to have a life with no regrets? I read regularly about those who I consider to be incredibly successful but have reached the top at the expense of their health or personal relationships. Goldsmith here considers the sliding scale from regret to fulfilment in life; how we never know how others measure their success and how intentionality in our own daily practices can lead to happiness.
Goldsmith is a highly lauded coach. He has worked with hundreds of CEOs and helped them to find answers, purpose, clarity and motivation. He uses his years of experiences and observations to explain why we need to be continually evolving and constantly checking ourselves. He explains that “The reward of living an earned life is being engaged in the process of constantly earning such a life.”
One practice suggested in this book is that of the Life Plan Review (LPR): a weekly practice of setting goals and then assessing yourself on your level of effort rather than your results, and meeting with a group who each hold one another accountable. This was a system he created with his 100 Coaches group during lock down and it proved so successful that they continue to this day. He recommends that it is a “dynamic process” so “you’re supposed to improve and create new stretch goals.” These goals are not just to be work related, but across all areas of your life.
In order to build habits Goldsmith writes about the power of consistency: “A single event doesn’t create a good habit. Repetition does.” He also stresses the importance of building support networks and accountability practices to move us from inertia into action. By constantly setting personal and professional goals, then reviewing them and improving them, we are moving away from the mundane and meaningless, and earning our chosen, meaningful lives.
He does point out that this may come at a cost. “To pursue any kind of fulfilling life, especially an earned life, you have to pay a price.” Referring to Walter Mischel’s Marshmallow Test of the late 1960s, he lauds the practice of forgoing current pleasure for greater future reward. He also, however, points out that we don’t want to get to the end of our lives with a giant pile of metaphorical marshmallows which we could have been enjoying all the while. We shouldn’t put a pause on pleasure!
The main theme running throughout the book is that of intentionality. A rich, meaningful and joyful life will look different to each of us and so we each need to establish what is most important to us, set and review goals to maximise our experiences and efforts and then enjoy the fruits of our labour. To live life, and not just watch it pass us by: that is a life without regret.
