The Road Back to You by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile
“Working with the Enneagram helps people develop the kind of self-knowledge they need to understand who they are and why they see and relate to the world the way they do.”
3 Main Messages:
By learning more about ourselves we can make improvements.
By learning more about others we can understand them better.
Understanding ourselves and each other leads to growth and connection.
Many years ago I attended a conference which shared insights into three different personality types: Red, Green and Blue. Reds were said to be strong, factual and direct, while Greens were process driven, analytical and reserved. Most of us in the room were ‘Blues’: emotion driven, empathetic and sociable; all of us were Primary Deputy Headteachers. Years later I found myself in similar training at a Headteachers’ Conference where almost all of us were ‘Koalas’(!).
Since then I have completed various personality tests, including Gallup Strengths, Myers Briggs, DISC and many more. And what have I learned? That our strengths can often also be our weaknesses, that there is no ‘good’ or ‘bad’ personality type and that these types of revelations can be incredibly useful when understanding each other.
So when a very good friend of mine insisted that I complete the enneagram test and read this book, I was keen to learn more. As a Christian, she loves the spiritual aspect of the book but suggested that I could sort of ignore that part and read the rest. She’s so thoughtful, generous, giving and understanding. Of course she is; she’s a 2!
The authors, Cron and Stabile, themselves acknowledge that this is an “archaic, historically questionable, scientifically unsupported personality typing system,” but believe that it is “full of wisdom for people who want to get out of their own way.” They purport that we need to learn to understand ourselves better if we are to understand others.
The book begins with a wonderful story about the author and his friends streaking through a golf club wearing nothing but ski masks. It is a humorous introduction to the belief that we all wear socially acceptable masks which conceal our true selves and that we can live more authentically if we understand ourselves completely. The book continues to share stories and conversations to bring each of the 9 types to life, making it an easy and enjoyable read.
The first 30 pages are an introduction to the history and structure of the Enneagram - taking its meaning from the Greek words ennea (nine) and gram (drawing). Cron and Stabile explain the 9 different personality types and the 3 triads. These are the anger/gut triad, the feeling/heart triad and the fear/head triad. I couldn’t help but notice the alignment with the 3 colours training from that Deputy Head Conference all those years ago.
These other personality typing systems are referred to as being “psychological in orientation,” and the Enneogram is differentiated by being able to “reveal to you your shadow side and offer spiritual counsel on how to open it to the transformative light of grace.” Indeed, it is so tied into Christianity that Cron and Stabile believe that one shouldn’t “waste your time trying to accomplish any of it apart from the transformative power of God’s grace.” So it’s fair to say that this book won’t be for everyone!
That said, the subsequent chapters were interesting to read and it was impossible to resist the urge to match the descriptions to family members and friends. Each chapter begins with a list of 20 statements to describe what it’s like to be that particular personality type. The chapters each then share a story which typifies this particular personality type. Often humorous and always fun, these were great models to explain characteristics clearly.
Chapters then dig deeper into each type’s strengths and their weaknesses (referred to as “deadly sins”), and what these types are typically like as children, in relationships and in the workplace. They explain how each type behaves when healthy and unhealthy, and then each chapter concludes with spiritual references and 10 steps to transformation in order to “show you how to get out of the box you're in.”
Some people will be sceptical about this and there is certainly an element of bias when reading: it is easy to find the descriptors which match and ignore those which don’t fit the picture quite so well. That said, for anyone who is looking to understand themselves a little better, to take little steps to improve themselves and to try to develop empathy for family, friends and colleagues, this book is a great place to start.
But then, as a Blue - Helper - Koala, I would say that!
